whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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