Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Green mimosas i think yes
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Houston, we have a blender
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
