You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
