like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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