If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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