just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize