Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
