i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
