I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
