I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
