Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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