i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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