I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
