They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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