I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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