This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
