am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
