Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
