I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
