So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
