How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
