I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
They are going to name an STD after you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
