Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize