The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
