Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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