my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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