I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
