yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
