Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
smell my finger.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
