her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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