not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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