If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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