I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ladies don't puke and tell
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
