I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
