I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
