Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize