I'm so fucking centered right now
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize