He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
