i wish peter jackson would direct porn
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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