doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
