I could have mohawked her pubes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
