if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
