Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize