Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
