Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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