last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
