So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
