a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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