i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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