Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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