so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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