thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
