life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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