we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
