I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
