I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
