she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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