I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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