I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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