1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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