Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
