I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
