My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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